Melicious Details

Fraught by Apparel

Unless the weather channel is predicting a hard freeze, Clyde wears shorts everywhere every day, except when I invoke the You Must Wear Pants rule.  And since his preferred shopping strategy is to buy a whole bunch of whatever he needs all at once to avoid having to shop again any time soon, the Shorts Shopping Extravaganza happened last weekend.

Saleswoman: Sir, can I help you find something?

Clyde: I need some new shorts.

Saleswoman:  Any particular kind? How about a khaki chino?

Clyde: A what?

Saleswoman:  A khaki chino.

Clyde:  Um...No thanks.

After she walks away, Clyde turns to me and says:  Why did she just ask me if I wanted a coffee drink?

The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

A few weeks ago I was driving when the sun decided to come out so I had to rummage around in my purse with one hand to find my sunglasses.  The reason I could only use one hand is because of course I was texting driving with the other, but I did manage to extract the sunglasses from the case and put them on.

This is what I eventually discovered I was wearing:

You would be surprised how long it took me to figure this out.   

So the first time this happens, I pull over to the side of the road (just like I always do when texting!) and pop the lens back in. But wait, now the lens is covered in fingerprints and oh by the way so is the other one, where is that special Only Use This On Your Glasses! cleaning cloth or will the silk top I am wearing today work instead?  I love being late to meetings.

I've had these particular Ray-Ban sunglasses a long time and I like them, but they have caused me to learn something about myself.  And that is that I am not really a patient person. 

And also that I find having to ASSEMBLE MY SUNGLASSES before wearing them to be a freaking pain in the ass.

I think you will agree that if a lens pops out maybe once or twice? No worries. But now every time I take these Ray-Bans out of the case, this is what I have to deal with.

So yeah.  I went out and bought some new sunglasses yesterday.

And then you asked: Does it come with a bottle of drool?

My friend Professor Steve alerted me to this photo. I told him he should put it on his blog, but Professor Steve doesn't have a blog and doesn't want one.  He says he never will and I can take that to the banque. Steve lives close to Canada, which must be why he spells banque that way.

But enough about Steve.  Here's the conversation I am imagining you and I would be having right now:

You:  What's with the lady and the dog?
Me:   The lovely jacket worn by that lady is made entirely of fur from her Newfoundland!
You:  Shut. Up. 
Me:  Really.
You:  Eeeeeeewww.  Is the jacket really really bulky or is her head just small?
Me:  Um. I'm not sure.
You:  Is that a gold brooch on the lapel? Is she accessorizing her dog fur jacket??
Me:  Hmm.  Maybe.
You:  Do you think she takes the jacket to the groomer when it gets dirty? Like when other dogs lift their leg on her??
Me:  Possibly.
You:  That jacket could not be more unattractive. Who would actually wear something like that? She looks ridiculous.
Me:  You are so mean.