Man vs. Wetsuit

Clyde's upcoming surfing trip required a visit to a local surf shop.  Even though he was not buying a wetsuit, we ended up in the wetsuit department, which has that rubber-like smell that makes me kind of nauseous.

There were two dressing rooms to choose from. They were separated by a thin wall that didn't go to the ceiling and had doors that didn't go all the way to the floor.  Underneath one dressing room door, I could see large bare feet and hairy ankles so I presumed there was a man inside.  Clyde went into the other room with his stuff to try on. From the room containing the owner of the bare feet I could hear loud grunting and heavy breathing, and a smacking, thwacking sound which could potentially be confused with slapping or spanking. I opened the door to Clyde's room and looked at him like "Are you hearing that??" 

He smiled at me, but didn't say anything. If we talked, the guy next door would hear us.

I mouth the words "WHAT IS HE DOING IN THERE??"

Clyde mouths back "He is trying to take off a wetsuit."

 I have to walk away because I start laughing in my really loud laugh, which causes the salesgirl to approach me and say, "M'am, can I help you?"  I point at the dressing room where all the noise is happening.  "I think he's in trouble."

Salesgirl:   Sir, how's it going in there?
Man:  Uhh...(gasp)...I uhh....(thwack)...Shit!...I'm...uhhh...
Salesgirl:  Do you need another size?
Man:  God, no. I might need you to rescue me out of this one.

I look down and see black neoprene bunched around his legs.  He's getting close to extricating himself. Which eventually happens because as we were leaving, he finally emerges from the dressing room looking like a hot sweaty mess.

Sadly this experience caused My Evil Twin to come up with this idea as something to do with a houseguest who has overstayed their welcome:

1. Convince them they need to buy a full-body wetsuit. The 6mm-thick ones are best.

2. Once at the surf shop, tell them that wetsuits run big so they should try on a size smaller than they normally wear.  Like if they are Large, they should definitely start with a Medium.

3. After they are in the dressing room and have the wetsuit approximately three quarters on (which is as far as it is going to go anyway), make up an emergency that requires you leave the surf shop right away.

4. As they try to get the wetsuit off, say things like "How much longer is this going to take?" and "Is there any way you can hurry it up at all?"

Oh Man.  I am going straight to hell.

Comments

[Drew McManus]

Hilarious!

[Kerri McConnell]

And to make it extra special...pick a really hot day!

[bcourtney]

Melissa,
If you really mean YOU are going straight to hell, you are so right. But whatever. I laughed and imagined myself being right there and being so glad I'm not the one trying wetsuits. U know what i was reminded of? Going to the Lucky Brand jeans store and being encouraged to try on the even tighter jeans (that I took back later). As long as we can laugh about it!