Melicious Details

Tango Time

Yesterday morning the Dyrdogs were having our daily breakfast club meeting (which means watching the Today show while I make little bite-sized pieces of my peanut butter covered english muffins for an audience of three adoring terriers sitting at my feet) and Matt Lauer was doing a segment in Buenos Aires, featuring one of the things Buenos Aires is most famous for, the tango.  As in the tango, not Tango, but it's confusing if you're a dog whose never been to Argentina.  Every time Matt said the word tango, Tango would snap his head around and look directly at the TV with an annoyed expression on his face like WHAT??  Matt also talked about a store in Buenos Aires that carries hundreds of styles of gorgeous hand-made tango (again Matt is scowled at by the border terrier face) shoes.  You go in to the store, tell them your size, and they just start bringing fabulous shoes out for you to try on.  I'm planning a trip to Argentina right away.

And although this looks like a photo of Tango peeing on Natalie Portman, I swear it is not him.  We like Natalie Portman.  If Tango was going to pee on a celebrity, we would have picked Paris Hilton.

Defining Fine

I am taking an online creative writing class which is mostly fun and the online part is the best because of the whole no one knows if you're a dog on the internet thing.

After submitting my second 500 word assignment the professor provided really eloquent feedback on "what wasn't working for him".  He used a lot of words but I will just summarize for you:  I write phrases that sound like advertising as opposed to fine writing. 

You mean fine writing does not start with a strong value proposition, followed by three benefit statements and then concludes with a compelling call to action?  Ooooooh.

Thank you so much for pointing that out, Mr. Stanford Professor and Wallace Stegner Fellow in Poetry. I hadn't realized that over 20 years of marketing experience in technology companies had sucked every last bit of fine writing out of me.

I know for sure I could write a FINE powerpoint presentation of rehashed marketing objectives.  And honestly, I think some of the pieces I've co-authored with Des (i.e., Letter from the CEO re: Workforce Reduction) were very, very finely written. 

You thought that letter was actually written by the CEO?   Um. No. 

It was actually written by Des and I.  And all of our helpers.  We had helpers in Legal who didn't like forward-looking statements. We had helpers in HR who didn't want to include details on severance packages because "we are a global company and each package will be different depending on what country the employee lives in.  And in the U.K. it is called Garden Leave."  We had helpers in Engineering who thought that NO actual engineers should be laid off, but instead given six months to hang out and find another job in the company, "so just lay off people in all the other departments."  We had a helper executive whose mother was an English professor and we had another helper executive who didn't agree with any of the other helpers.

Including all those helpers' comments and creating a letter that wasn't 12 paragraphs long (because really, who reads that crap?) - come on. That was some mighty fine writing.  If it wasn't marked Company Confidential - For Internal Use Only I would attach it here so you could see.

 

Invisihell - Day 44

I had my first check up with Dr. Tees this week and bitched him out about what a GIANT pain in the ass these trays are.  His eyes got really big.  Generally his patients are probably much less loud and dramatic.

My Dentist:  May-Lee-Sa, you are so fortunate to only have to Wearing Invisalign for 20 weeks! My wife had to wear for a year.

Me:  A YEAR??  You made your wife do Invisalign for a year???

My Dentist:  See?  You so lucky, you only need to wear for 20 weeks!

Me:  Right. Because there is no way I would do this for A YEAR.  I hope she got some reward for doing it for a year.  You bought her a big piece of jewelry for that, right?

It is clear from the very sheepish look on his face that his wife did not get anything for her suffering except for maybe a new toothbrush.

Me:  You really need to get her a big piece of jewelry, OK?

On a steel horse I ride

The Bon Jovi concert was on Wed and it made me remember when I first started to secretly like Bon Jovi when I was in my early 20s.  Jon was really sexy and I was mesmerized by his long hair. And his cute ass. And sly smile. That Wanted Dead or Alive video would get me every time. So all the reminiscing about my 20s must have made me look like I was that age again because when I bought some wine at Whole Foods, the checker asked for my i.d. I should concentrate on reminiscing more often. Jon is still drop dead sexy but he has kind of rock star as businessman hair now and he can't fling it around like he used to. You can tell by this photo, where he is singing directly to me. The fact that I can even have the hots for a guy wearing a sleeveless shirt with a Superman tattoo on his bicep just shows you.

Teddi Takes a Tumble

Four days of the doggy dementia drug only made Teddi worse.  It would have been hard to imagine MORE click click clicking of dog toenails on the hardwood floor, but that's what we got. Ted is in the 12% of dogs whose adverse reaction to Anipryl includes hyperactivity, restlessness and abnormal repetitive movements. She walked nonstop up and down the hall and around and around and around the kitchen and living room for 3 1/2 hours before we could get her to lay down. She has the most intent and purposeful look on her face while she does this. It's like she's on a mission to be somewhere at certain time. Only she can't remember where.

The next day, after not attempting to go up or down a flight of stairs for at least the last 6 months, she decided it was important to give it try.  So down she went, rolling like a furry little football the entire 15 steps.  By the time I knew what happened, I found her standing at the bottom of the stairs, shaking off the fall.  She was fine and started right back with the click click clicking all over house.